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| EDITOR'S NOTE (by Fakir): Carol chose a most unusual burden to bear, one that is unknown to the Hindus or Thaipusam. I actually invented it years ago, and forgot about it until a close friend, Sir George, made a new version. George's Breast Kavadi, used by Carol, is made of two large, carefully sculpted wooden planks that screw together on either side of the breasts. Spears are dropped through holes in the upper plank to bear down on the flesh squeezed between them.
Ten years of loss and grief have brought me to this place - to the Summer Shamanic Gathering. The AIDS epidemic has taken from me so many sisters and brothers of the spirit, that I am left almost insubstantial, groundless, disembodied, starved for nurturance and certainty. But only one more pain is certain. So I take a long time sharpening the rods of my Kavadi - an act invested with intention, which is for me, one definition of ritual. The sharpening of the rods becomes a meditation, a true "one-pointedness" in which (as in intense SM play) a consciousness emptied of thought, yet perfectly focused, replaces fear and pain. For a long time I have freedom, peace, and complete control of the shape, length, and sharpness of each rod I will choose to put in my skin. I decorate the tips of the rods with ribbons, bells, fruit and a small globe. So I have taken into my body a world of pain, tied ribbons on it, and turned it into ecstasy. This is magic; this is power. Dancing, taking the endorphins higher and higher, I again have a body as clear and immediate as the metal in my flesh. For a moment there is no fear, no uncertainty, no loss. The pain I have chosen heals the pain over which I have no control. This is an act of survival! Carol K. |
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